IN THE PIPELINE

 

At my age, I was aware of what was happening. Maybe it was due to too many fatty foods; there was clearly a blockage. Mary Ellen said not to ignore the symptoms and call a professional.

“Hello, Rex Plumbing. Can I help you?”

“Hi, Pam, it’s Dick Wolfsie. Our disposal isn’t working. All I hear is a whirring sound and I can’t stop it.”

“We don’t stop things at Rex Plumbing,” she told me. “We un-stop things.”

Everyone’s a comedian.

About an hour later, Rex knocked—on time, as always.  I called out that the door was open. I was already in the kitchen. “Where are you, Dick?” Rex screamed.

“Here, Rex,” I said.

That brought back memories of my childhood, but I have no recollection of my German Shepherd charging a hundred bucks an hour. Rex walked over to the sink, accompanied by an apprentice, apparently there to learn the trade. That’s when I noticed it…

“You don’t have any tools, Rex. Where are your tools? All you have is a plunger.”

“That’s all I need.”

“Don’t say that. No monkey wrenches? No hammers? No hydraulic pumps?  If all you brought is a plunger to fix this, why do I need you? I have a plunger.”

“I don’t know, Dick. You have such a lovely set of matching steak knives on the counter, why call a surgeon?”

As Mark Twain once noted, there is nothing more annoying than a good example.

Rex approached the sink, flicked the disposal switch and confirmed my diagnosis.  Then, he deftly maneuvered his plunger into the sink’s drain, pressed his thumb into the rubber cup to create a vacuum and in one swift but decisive maneuver fixed the problem. “We’re done here,” said Rex as he handed me the bill.  I turned to his apprentice and asked if he had learned from his experience at my house. He said he had no regrets about not going to medical school.

The next day things were humming along in my kitchen, but now I had computer problems. I was trying to save some files so they could not be erased. Ironic, but now I wanted a backup.  I called Kevin with Nerds On Call. He also arrived in a timely fashion, but once again, no tools.

“I don’t know why this bothers me, Kevin, but you and the plumber are both a hundred bucks an hour. Somehow I’d feel better if I saw some gizmos, implements, devices, gadgets. Give me something.”

Kevin sat down at the computer to do his magic. I had several computer issues, and Kevin worked diligently, addressing every one. Sixty minutes later he was done. I paid him exactly the same amount I had paid Rex. As Kevin was leaving I told him he had done an excellent job, but that there was something he could learn from my plumber. “And what would that be?” he asked, just a bit miffed.

“How to make a hundred bucks in 60 seconds.”

That’s when he reminded me about the time he came over to the house to fix the printer and simply put the plug back in the socket.