SPACE AGE
PROBLEMS
The other day at the
supermarket the periodical display was chock-full of all these splashy
publications—so many, in fact, that one bundle had remained unopened due to a
shortage of space on the rack. Curious, I tore back the brown wrapping of the
package and there it was: Storage
Solutions. Yes, that’s right: there was not enough room on the shelves to include
this magazine.
Storage Solutions is dedicated
to assisting the busy housewife (or househusband, of course) in finding
efficient ways to put away stuff, most of which, I think we all know, should
probably have been thrown away in the first place. By the way, I always thought
the word “storage” had the letter “e” in the middle of it. Dan Quayle agrees
with me. Where did it go? Maybe there was no room for it.
I glanced more closely and
saw this was a “Special Double Issue.” Interesting that the editors couldn’t fit
everything into one edition. Also on the
cover was the tease: FIND SPACE YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU HAD. My guess is that at one time you knew you had
it, but you put it somewhere and now you can’t find it. I know that makes no
sense, but when I make myself laugh, that pretty much means it’s going in the
column.
On the back page was a huge ad
for fifthroom.com. Later, I logged onto the
site and realized that this was for people who didn’t want to install shelves,
hooks and cabinets and instead just wanted to buy a prefab shed, gazebo or pool
house, or maybe a giant cedar chest, and just cram all their crapola into one
place. You can also purchase something
called a pergola but I had no idea what that was and I didn’t want to make any
room in my brain for more useless information.
The editor’s name is Debra
and her editorial this month is titled: “Help, I Need More Space!” Last month it was: “Do You Need More Space?” And in March, get ready for: “Space, I Think That’s What We All Need!” The pages are filled with colorful
photographs of homes that don’t have much furniture, but just a lot of
adjustable nooks and crannies. With every picture, the first thing you think of
is not how people have effectively
used their limited space, but what possessed them to buy so much junk to begin
with.
These are actual tips from
the magazine. You can thank me later for bringing them to your attention
Store books on a shelf vertically so you can read the titles. (I know, I know…how cool an idea is that?)
Use large hooks for coats, backpacks and gym bags, but use smaller ones for keys and dog leashes. (Seriously, why didn’t I think of this?)
Use a basket in your hall closet for gloves. (…because you’d never find those mittens in your coat pockets?)
Use empty jars to store paper clips and loose screws. (Was this magazine the best ten bucks I ever spent?)
Store books on a shelf vertically so you can read the titles. (I know, I know…how cool an idea is that?)
Use large hooks for coats, backpacks and gym bags, but use smaller ones for keys and dog leashes. (Seriously, why didn’t I think of this?)
Use a basket in your hall closet for gloves. (…because you’d never find those mittens in your coat pockets?)
Use empty jars to store paper clips and loose screws. (Was this magazine the best ten bucks I ever spent?)
When Mary Ellen saw me
reading Storage Solutions, she asked
if she could see it when I was finished. I told her I’d roll it up and stick it
in the wine rack. No, that idea was not
in the magazine. Proud to say, that one was all mine.
