My Life Saving

Would you like to save $14,450? You can, claims the Entertainment book, chock-full of good deals, brimming with coupons, awash in discounts. For a cheap person like me, it’s my savior.

My wife advised me not to pay $25.00 for the annual publication. She claimed we’d never use the coupons—and if we did, we’d either go on the wrong night, end up at the wrong place, or the coupon would have expired. I consider this user error and decided that with proper management of my discounts, the result would be monumental savings.

A few months ago I said, “Here’s the plan, Mary Ellen. For the next few months we are going to try to go to every place in this book, all 569 of them. Think of the money we’ll save. Think of the fun we’ll have. It will be like a second honeymoon, only this time we’ll get two one-topping pizzas for the price of one…as long as we buy a liter of Pepsi and we don’t have it delivered.”

With that, I laid out on the kitchen table an elaborate chart detailing the itinerary—our cost-saving journey through Central Indiana. My wife was not impressed. “I don’t mind dinner at the DQ, but do we have to play a game of Laser Tag the same night?”

“First of all, it’s not one game, it’s two. So don’t poop out on me. It’s the second game that’s free.”

“According to this, Dick, you also want to get up early Sunday morning and go duck pin bowling.”

“Do I know how to plan a vacation, or what?”

“I do think we’ll be tuckered out from the two hours of paintball on Saturday night.”

Mary Ellen had a point. The first couple of weeks were exhausting. Morgan’s River Rentals in Brookville may have been an especially bad choice. To get the discount you had to rent two boats, and I think we’d have had more fun and been less tired if we were in the same canoe.

We were like kids: trampolining, wall climbing, go-karting and miniature golfing. It was a little disconcerting watching Mary Ellen swing at 100 mph fast balls, but what else are you supposed to do with 50 free tokens at a batting cage?

When it came to dining, we had hundreds of restaurants to choose from. Most were fast food locations. Mary Ellen was burgered out. “Didn’t we already eat at White Castle four times this week?”

“We still have six coupons left for sliders.”

“But, Dick, it’s nine o’clock in the morning.”

“I know, that’s why the line is so long.”

We did have some relaxing days: two for one at the Muncie Children’s Museum, the Basketball Hall of Fame Museum, and the Indianapolis Zoo. At the aquarium in Newport, Kentucky, we were offered a free kid’s ticket if we bought two adult tickets. The problem was, we forgot to bring a kid. Later that day, we also got three Big Macs for the price of two. One of them is still in the glove compartment.

Overall, we had a great summer. We saved about $1,200. And it only cost us $3,000.