BREW HA HA

BREW HA HA

I like to read newspaper articles containing the words "exercise" or "workout" in the headline, hoping that new research will prove the whole thing is a big waste of time or is actually bad for you. They keep changing their minds about the pros and cons of coffee—so you never know.

The first real review of the benefits of exercise was in the early 1900s when a scientist divided people into two groups to compare their relative health.  Half exercised daily or had jobs that required physical exertion. All those people are dead now. So, there you go.

A new study claims that people who drink beer are more apt to exercise on a regular basis.  This seems counterintuitive. I know, because I was sitting at a counter having a brew when I read about it. Maybe this is how people get six-pack abs.

Scientists caution people not to misunderstand these findings. For example, a jogger might assume that a positive correlation between exercising and drinking serves as an excuse to overindulge. This could result in a serious running problem.

The volunteers for this study were asked to install an app on their smart phone so they could document when they imbibed and when they exercised. This generated some false data because after a few drinks a lot of the subjects clicked on the wrong icon and ended up playing a really lousy round of Angry Birds or Pac Man. According to the report, people drank much more than usual on the very day they went to the gym…which may explain why I can't remember the last time I exercised.

Lab animals have been used to more carefully study the connection between exercising and alcohol. Apparently rodents were much more interested in a little booze after spending the day in a rat race. Sound familiar?

Just as you should carefully select the proper wine with food, I’d suggest careful attention to your choice of libation during your workout routine. If you are jumping rope, opt for a nice, hoppy ale. A cold draft seems appropriate while running a winter marathon. If you are trying to add some bulk to your frame, then enjoy a hearty stout. Attempting to break a world record for push-ups? A Guinness, of course. Okay, that was way too many examples.

In more news, a pub owner in Wisconsin is starting a weekly meet-up called Butts and Beers where he sponsors group aerobic activities, then provides his customers with a wide selection of local brews. His big annual shindig is a 5K run, but it’s only a hundred-yard dash. (The K stands for Keg.)

Finally, a new drink called Lean Machine is currently being marketed in California, touted as a “recovery ale.” It's supposed to be a substitute for Gatorade or Powerade, but it’s basically beer with a bit less alcohol and some added sodium.  A growing number of fitness buffs in LA are drinking this stuff just to be hip.

Who can resist beer pressure?

THE WHOLE TRUTH

My wife says I’m not a spiritual person but I believe I could be someday. I mean, you have to have faith. The most spiritual thing I do is shop at Whole Foods, a supermarket that caters to people who opt for a diet that is organic, pure and chemical-free. However, I prefer food with preservatives. It’s cheaper than a face lift.

My wife is really the big fan of this store, and whenever we are headed in that direction, she says, “Let’s stop at Whole Foods.”  Sometimes we don’t even go in. We simply look in the huge window and watch people shop and eat vegan pizza. It’s all about the journey, isn’t it? See, I’m getting more spiritual already.

Over the years, Mary Ellen and I have shopped at various supermarket chains. I don’t like buying eggs and milk in the same place you can buy snow boots, an unassembled chest of drawers and treadmills, like Super Target or Meijer. They’re really Half Foods.  But at Whole Foods, almost everything on the shelves is edible, except stuff that is fat-free, gluten-free or sugar-free…which, come to think of it, is almost everything.

Last week, I bought an organic bar of soap, wrapped in clear shrink-wrap. When I got out of the shower the next morning, I told my wife that I didn’t think it lathered very well. “Is it because it’s organic?” I asked Mary Ellen.

“No, it’s because you just washed yourself with a wedge of cheese.”

Mary Ellen’s shopping list is a model for all Americans who want to eat healthy. She buys skim milk, low-fat cottage cheese, broccoli, skinless chicken breasts, and granola. When I have a chance to shop on my own at the traditional chain stores, I smuggle in the white bread, hard salami, doughnuts and the frozen creamed spinach soufflé (which sounds healthy, but it contains an alarming 27 grams of fat). When we go shopping anywhere together, I’m on a very short leash and the chances of getting any treats are zero—even if I beg. I wish my wife would treat me more like a dog. I deserve it.

All the magazines at Whole Foods promote a healthy lifestyle. The words “yoga,” “yogi” or “yogurt” are always somewhere on the cover. One that caught my eye was called Spiritual Re-awakening. If you turn the magazine over and then upside down, it reveals a totally different publication called The Road to Renewal. I thought this was another approach to reaching nirvana, but it may have been a subliminal reminder that your subscription is about to expire.

The alternative cover has a headline revealing an article with a check-list for what to take on your next journey.  Already feeling my otherworldly side, I predicted they would advise bringing a positive attitude, a degree of self-reflection and a measure of introspection. Actually, the top three were underwear, white socks and sandals. These were items to take on one of the several dozen mind/body retreats they were offering around the world, and at a very lofty price, I might add.

I guess you can be a new-age, Whole-Foods-shopping, transcendental-meditation-loving, yoga-practicing, Buddha fan, and still believe in capitalism in the real world.

That’s the spirit.

 

BRUSH WITH FAME

Mike and Glenda Carmichael of Alexandria, Indiana, have been married a long time, but they still have a ball. In fact, they’ve had this ball for nearly 40 years. A paintball, that is.

You’ve probably seen or heard about it, but as a TV reporter, I will soon have the honor of covering this story again. And covering is exactly the right word.

It all started in 1977, when Mike and his three-year-old son, Michael Jr., painted a baseball that was sitting on a shelf in their garage. Mike thought it would be a fun pastime for his family to continually repaint the ball to see just how big it could get. Fast-forward four decades and almost (key word: almost) 25000 coats of paint later and we now have a 4,500-pound sphere of paint, so big it sits (hangs, really) in a nearby barn. Yikes! And there is no end (or circumference) in sight. How big is it? Well, as you will learn by the end of this column you will be able to see it… and then you’ll believe it.

When I first did the story on TV back in the ’90s, Mike’s venture was a mere roadside oddity and to know about it you really did have to pass by his little rural road in Madison County. After the segment aired, everything snowballed, er…paint-balled. Since then, Mike has been featured on numerous national travel shows, CBS This Morning, and a page in Ripley’s Believe It or Not. And, of course, The Guinness Book of World Records.

But now with Facebook and Twitter, the word—and the paint—have really spread. “I’ve had people drive all the way from Canada just to paint the ball,” says Mike, whose detailed records show painters from almost every state. Also logged are the different colors in each layer (there are 20 choices) and the name of each person. “Sometimes and entire family wants to paint the ball,” says Mike. “It’s cheaper than a day at Disney World.” Mike’s wife, Glenda, is responsible for more than 8,000 paint coats, a feat for which she is openly proud. “It’s more fun than vacuuming, and you feel like you have accomplished something.” You have?

There have been celebrity painters, as well.  The Oakridge Boys put on a couple of coats along with Bill and Gloria Gaither, and they all sang a few tunes in the process. That process, by the way, takes about 10 minutes if you go it alone, but many families, each member equipped with his or her own provided roller, can knock off a coat in just a couple of minutes. To ensure that no one “misses a spot,” there is a mirror under the ball to see those hard-to-reach places. The ball is not a perfect sphere. “In fact,” admits Mike, “it’s kind of lumpy.”

To paint the ball, Mike asks that you make an appointment, but has welcomed a few unannounced visitors. “It’s hard to turn down someone who’s travelled hundreds of miles just to get a photo of themselves panting the ball.”

On Saturday morning, January 23. on WISH-TV’s Daybreak, I will be painting the 25,000th coat. How interesting will that be? About as interesting as watching paint dry.