Mary Ellen and I have been happy together for so long that
we sometimes forget how much we annoy each other, so on the trip back home from
our recent vacation, it was time catch up on our bad habits.
For example, I told Mary Ellen that she is a relentless pointer.
She points at everything. “See that pretty house,” she’ll say, and then she
points at it; or, look at that sunset (she points, like I don’t know where the
sun is); “Your turn signal is on,” and then she directs her finger at the blinker. Really,
is that necessary?
“Dick, I thought you
liked it on a vacation when I pointed things out.”
”I do like it when you point things out, I just don’t want
you to point at them.”
Then I told her that it drove me nuts that everything we saw,
she called “pretty.” Pretty sunsets,
pretty mountains, pretty houses, pretty lakes, pretty much everything. Then she
gave me a look that pretty much ended that conversation. Except now it was her
turn…
“Okay, I never really
told you this, Dick, but it drives me crazy when we go somewhere to eat, as
soon as we sit down, you pretend you have to go to the restroom. What you are
really doing is walking around the restaurant inspecting other people’s food. Other than the Board of Health, who does
something so weird?”
“Okay, I admit it. When I see it on another person’s plate,
I get a better idea whether I should order it. I don’t think that is so odd.”
“That’s not the odd part. It’s asking for a taste that’s a
little peculiar. And, here’s another
thing you do. You are so impatient that after we order you keep looking around
to be sure that no one who came in after us is served first.”
“Wait a second. I remember a few years we were somewhere and
even you were complaining that we were supposed to be next.”
“Okay, Dick, you do realize the difference between the emergency
room and Applebee’s, right?”
“Anything else, Dear?”
“Yes. When you order,
you make a dozen substitutions. The other day we went to a pub and you ordered their
signature baked ham sandwich. But instead of ham you wanted corned beef, and
instead of mustard you wanted thousand island dressing. Then you substituted sauerkraut
for the cole slaw. Why didn’t you just order a Reuben?”
“I don’t like Reubens.”
“And, finally, as soon as we are served, the first thing you
do is ask if you can taste my dinner.”
“Now wait a second, that isn’t so unusual.”
“It is when we’ve ordered the same thing.”
As we made our way back home through Michigan, Mary Ellen
and I placed a little wager on who could go the longest without lapsing into
one of our annoying habits. When we exited the highway toward a quaint little
town, Mary Ellen abruptly sat on her hands and said, “Oh Dick look at that pr…pr…cute
little café on your right. Let’s eat there.”
Mary Ellen thought the lunch was fabulous, but I couldn’t
say. You see, I really wanted to win that bet,
so I stayed in the car.
